So for once I'm writing in English so I can explain to my fellow MCRmy and all the beautiful people I have gotten to know because of one single band how I feel about this break up...
My first love wasn’t for just one boy; no it was for five very handsome boys who spoke directly to me. Or at least it felt that way. Ironically my love was for a band called My Chemical Romance and from the beginning when I found them (or if they found me, I’m not sure) in 2006 it was a chemical romance that never should end. A kind of an addiction or maybe an obsession to their music and to their message, and specially one: “Be yourself, don’t take anyone’s shit and never let them take you alive”.
And they have followed me through every day from my early teen years when I was confused about life and everything, when school was a pain in the ass, when I left home at sixteen to fulfill a dream, at all of those trips to and from and on all of the fencing competitions and helping me getting through sunshine and rain. They were there on all of the big days in my life: when I fell in love with an actual boy for the first time, the first break up, even on my graduation day: the record I listened to in the morning getting ready for it was “The Black Parade”. They always seemed to be around, every day, until yesterday.
Sure I have been having some affairs, I did a little bit of cheating on the band, listening to other music, sometimes I completely forgot about the love I have for MCR. But in the end, I always end up with MCR blasting at the highest volume on my stereo. And when I do I feel strong, alive, loved, understood and a mix of thousands of feelings I can’t even begin describe. You have to be a member of the MCRmy to understand.
But I always thought My Chemical Romance was one of the things that never, ever would or could come to an end. Why? Well you know what they say, don’t you? Your first love never dies. But it did, leaving the world a little darker.
And I feel exactly as after a bad break up: I feel hurt, hurt because it is painful when something beautiful and something you love disappears or dies.
I feel lonely, because even if I never got to see them in person, or at a show (something I regret so much now. Why didn’t I just skip school to see them on my 19th birthday?!) they were more than just a band. They were therapists through their lyrics, a friend when you needed them and ordinary people who made themselves extraordinary. And now it is just gone. Sure the music is still there, but it isn’t just the same anymore…
I feel angry, about the way they left things – six lines without an explanation. Just this is the end. Barley even a thank you for being such amazing fans. Because we fucking are! Not even a: I don’t love you like I did yesterday… Just a goodbye.
And as after a bad break up, which this is by the way, it is a horrible break up, at least with the fans. Well after a bad break up you start to ask these questions: what did I do wrong? Things like that. And of course every song you hear is about how they hurt you, how everything is shitty…
But I understand, these boys I fell in love with are not boys anymore, they are amazing men who have beautiful families to take care of, and other things in life than me, and every other kid that looks up to them. But right now I don’t want to be understanding, I want to be hurt because they hurt me and I want to be sad because my first love is gone!
But even if I’m hurt I want to say thank you to Gerard, Frank, Mikey, Ray and of course Bob, for being My Chemical Romance and for helping me by singing and playing from their hearts and being so beautiful, sincere, messed up and ordinary people who made themselves extraordinary for twelve years, in which I have been knowing them for seven.
So rest in peace My Chemical Romance, you were the perfect first love and I will never forget everything you did for me, but I’m sure as hell are going to miss you. So long and goodnight!
